K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
