btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
