it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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