drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
