Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sacagawea was the original milf.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
