tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize