oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize