So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
