I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
