My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
