Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
