Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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