you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
