omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize