You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
