you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
