My sheets look like a crime scene.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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