It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
