you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
