remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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