he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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