My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
