Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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