We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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