During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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