And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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