just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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