If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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