I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
