I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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