well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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