I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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