YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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