someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Text me some of your sweat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
