oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
