tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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