i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
