I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
