So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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