Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
