Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
