dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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