U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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