I got her a Nickelback box set.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
