I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
