he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
