Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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