...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
