just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
