Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
