I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
