you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize