I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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