so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
