have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
