Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
