When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
