why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
