How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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