There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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