my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
