Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
