May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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