i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
