he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Randomize
