and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
