Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
