Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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