you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
