remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
