Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
