After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
