Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
