Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
