this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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