I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
