i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
as a side note pls kill me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
