I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
