drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
