you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
