he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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