hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
