how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
