im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
