She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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