id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I deserve this hangover.
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