My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
