This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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