So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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