Whats the count minus fat chicks?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
