i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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