I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
