My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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